Friday, January 22, 2010


F-R-I-D-A-Y spells "exhaustion". I don't know what it is about my job, but it wears me out...more-so on Friday than any other day. More-so on 4-day weeks than 5-day weeks. More-so on half-days than full. It seems the less I work, the more tiring it is. Hmmm...this isn't adding up well for my system of working less. Doesn't seem to be making much sense, either.

Guess that's the nature of work. Never makes sense, and always wears you out.

But, I'm grateful for my job. Grateful for my husband and child and family beyond. Grateful for my home...and dinner...even if it is just leftovers or heated up microwave snacks. I'm grateful for a little one who says "please" and "thank you" and "I love you".

I'm just glad to be living where I am, under the sun that I see most days.

There's a lot to be said for gratitude. It can get you through the worst days. It can make you appreciate the best ones.

I used to keep a gratitude journal. I'd list at least 5 things I was grateful for that day. My first entry was January 15, 1997 (I stopped in 2004). Ironically, the first entry began with this:

Now for the ultimate task, the resolution. It is simply this - to make a move towards simplicity and to find my happiness, to fight the gloom. I have much to be grateful for....So, here goes: 1) mornings that are clear and cold that clean your mind and invite the coming day, 2) a warm coat and gloves on a day like today, 3) laughter, 4) solitude, and 5) long days that don't require much responsibility but still keep me busy, like today...though I didn't get much done, I didn't have to. Days like this are rare; no obligations...just time to enjoy.

I'm also grateful that I have saved so much of my writing over the years. I have journals dating back to 1995 and early poetry from back in my early teens. Though it may be laughable in quality, it is certainly important. A legacy to my silent communication, my confessional.

Kind of like this. I finally remembered to save all my entries today. I distrust modern technology and realized that if this site ever went down, I'd lose 35 days worth of writing. Uncool. So, I will be saving it from now on.

I have always been a bit of a pack-rat, but I have been improving over the years. My writing, however...I will never throw out. Even the bad stuff (and there is a lot of it). It wouldn't be fair to deprive my child of the fun of discovering all of that when I am old and senile...or, gone. I can't even imagine what he will learn about me after I am no longer much that I will never even think to tell him. So much for him to be surprised by. Our internal lives are often grander than the external.

So, grateful - write it down if you are so inclined. Make a habit of it, or simply think about it from time to time. Pen your considerations, pencil your confessions, scribe your secrets, draw your dreams...put it on paper. That way, even if you forget it, it will never really disappear.

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